Riding on the pity wagon

Oi, what a rough couple of days, and I’m an emotional mess on top of it.

Dan comes to me this morning, and says, “I don’t think I’m up for going down to your parents this weekend.”

Le sigh.  I mean, everyone understands Dan’s issues, but Dan was feeling this after the whole fiasco yesterday and it’s frustrating to me.  It happened yesterday, we had a problem we fixed it.  End of story.  Unfortunately, that is not always the case with Dan. 

Here’s the thing, I’ll have a bad day.  I will come home and vent for 20 -30 mins, Dan will listened and then the rational part of my brain kicks in and I calm down and everything is fine. 

Dan will literally not let it go for days.  Even this morning as I was getting ready to leave for work, he talked about his anger and frustration over what happened yesterday.  Then I get frustrated over him still dwelling on it.

I mean there are a lot of other things that could be wrong with out relationship, and it’s probably just because I am still an emotional wreck because of Aunt Flo visiting, and me worrying that this is the weirdest period that I’ve had in a long time, which could be because of the stress.  S

I know TMI, but it’s my blog. Don’t like it.. don’t nucking read it. 

I’m sitting here crying while I write this and I have no idea why.  I mean Dan has not gone to family functions before and I’ve been ok with it.  Why am I having such issues right now with it.

Look I do not have the easiest of situations, and I look at other people and wish that it was easier for me. 

Let me just step on the pity party wagon a little bit.

I will never have my own children, I will constantly be Mama Kat and not Mama, and that sucks ass. Not because of my parts not working, but because Dan got fixed during his first marriage.  I don’t blame him or his ex-wife; it’s something a lot of couples do when they do not want to have anymore children.  I have come to terms with this a long time ago, and I’m fine with that. I have two wonderful beautiful step-babies that I love to death, and I could not imagine my world without them.   But I am just the step-mom, I’ll never be as important or as awesome in their eyes at their mother.  When the boys get married, they will dance with their mom during the mother/son dance, and I’ll be off to the side taking pictures.  I know their mom and I will be right there next to each other helping plan and doing wedding type stuff together, but that one little moment.  I will never have.  For the most part this does not bother me, but sometimes, like today, it hurts like hell.

I am married to a man with a serious disability and he will never work again.  For the most part I have to be the strong one, the rational one, and be supportive to him when he has an attack.  I can not always count on him being there at a family function or an event with just us.  We have bought things for him to attend and then he has an attack and that’s money gone down the hole because he can not go.  I am sometimes left with the kids by myself, and sometimes it can get a little rough with two rambunctious little boys and one step-mom that’s learning a lot on the fly. 

I am an adventurous person, who likes to go and do things… my husband with his condition would rather stay home. 

I love my husband dearly, and he is the best and most wonderful man that I know, but we have our problems just like everyone else, and sometimes it gets to me.  

Ok, that’s enough time on the pity wagon, and by typing this all out has helped me a lot.

That’s another good reason to just have a blog, so you can type out your thoughts and realize there’s a lot worse that could be going on in your life than just this. 

Ok Withey, stop feeling sorry for yourself, you have a lot of stuff to get ready for this weekend.