F this year!

Last week Dan got put on some new medicine, and after he took it the first day, he started to have stomach pains on the lower half of his medicine.  Looked up the meds, this was a side effect, though somewhat a rare one.  Called the Psychiatrist, said take it every other day.  So he did, but the pain persisted.  I started to have really bad stomach pain Saturday night while I was really sick.  We figured it was probably a flu bug type thing and it would pass, but Dan thought that maybe it still had to do with the new medicine.  Sunday I was still sick, but the stomach pain was gone. 

Monday he calls the Psychiatrist back, they say call your PCP, he calls the PCP they say, "We didn't prescribe you the new drug call your Psychiatrist.  So he calls them back and gets an appointment with the Dr. at noon.  Here I was thinking it was the flu bug like mine, and told Dan to do what he wanted but it was probably nothing and let it go. 

So he canceled the psychiatrist, and after some advice from other folks he took some metamucil and felt better.  Ok we thought problem solved! 

Later that night and early this morning the pain came back, and when we talked this morning he was still really worried about it and I said why don't you go up to urgent care, they can look at it, and it will probably make you feel better to just have someone else say it's gas. 

He's really worried and wanted me to go with him, but I was worried about calling into work again and I had a consultation appointment with an oral surgeon. (maybe I'll talk about that later. I've been keeping a lot of things to myself lately. This may not be the healthiest of things to do) 

So Dan drove himself to Urgent Care, and I did some chores around the house. Then got ready for the day and headed into the oral surgeon. Where they tell me I have to have a $100 dollar X-ray my insurance won't cover. Then Dan texts me. 

   "They're sending me to the ER for an ultrasound, they think it might have something to do with my appendix"

Ok I think, it's not the first time he's been sent to the ER by the doc because he has stomach issues.  He'll get there, they'll do the ultrasound, they don't find anything and he'll come home. 

Little while later as I'm heading into work... He texts again, "They're going to do a CT scan at 4:30, they skipped the ultrasound"  

Ok, slightly more worried here... they're really covering their bases... I'm sure it's nothing... he'll text once it's done and be on his way home. 

I wait.. and I wait... I'm getting more nervous as the time goes by... (not allowed to have our phone out a work getting up and walking away from the work area every 20 mins was starting to annoy my co-workers).... finally I get...

"I have appendicitis, they're going to take it out. They're keeping me over night and everything will be ok"

Full on freak out mode hits. Then the hospital calls me to give me his PIN number and tell me where to find him so I can see him before they take him in. 

I run to the closing TL, tell her "my husband has appendicitis they're taking it out, I'm going to the hospital." I get a reminder to call the absentee line and I grab my shit and ran out the door.  I'm sure on the way there I received a few fingers. 

I get there and the reception lady is telling me to go wait in the waiting room, "uh no.. you don't understand my husband is up there and I want to see him and they told me I could." She calls up and she says ok I'll walk you there, but then she stops and tells me where to go once I get up there, all the while I'm watching the elevator open and let people in and she's still talking to me. I didn't want to be rude anymore so I listened and missed the elevator only to pace like a caged lion waiting for the stupid elevator to get back down. I go into the pre-op area just 5 mins before they are going to send him in.  He's crying I'm crying, we hug kiss and tell each other we love each other...and I go to sit for 2 agonizing hours in the waiting room,  Texting, calling, Facebooking everyone. Resisting the urge to yell at the 12 year old boy this family dragged with them to the hospital who was whining because he was bored. I was totally not in the best frame of mind for this. 

I get notified from the big scary security dude that I have a call at the front desk. It's the doctor, who I didn't even get to meet or look at (was not happy about that either) tells me that they got it out just in time. It was very swollen, but had not ruptured yet. 

Another 45 mins later they let me up to see him, and I finally calm down.  I walked with him over to his room. (which of course had to be over at the other building..)  Sit with him for a while and then we both decide it's time for me to go home so he can rest and I can decompress. 

We both knew this would be best for him. I would constantly worry and watch TV and Dan wouldn't get to rest like he needed too. So I went home so we could both relax.  I was happy to find out that my dogs that I had left in the house 10 hours earlier had not had an accident. (the newest one we were still training) Took a bath, started to pre-heat the oven, changed laundry, fed the animals their dinner, and was finally able to sit and type this out. It originally started as a quicky facebook post, and when it started to get long, I changed it into a blog. 

This has to be the last major thing, I seriously do not know if I can handle more.  I saw my dog die, my precious Carly, the day after new years. My cousin... it's even hard to type it... took his life, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and one of my best friends from when I was a tween was diagnosed with MS.  

I started to see a therapist last month because of everything that has happened. I'm finally to the point where I am not breaking down crying if I just see a picture of Carly or think of her. I got on new meds as well, and going to a psychiatrist myself. (same one as Dan actually).  I'm finally taking care of my teeth after I dunno how many years of really neglecting them, and getting other issues taken care of that I've ignored for a long time.  I'm going back to school to get my bachelor's degree, I'm trying to get my life turned around and why does life keeping throwing shit right back at me?

I dunno... and I'm going to try to stay positive, and strong and work through this crap. I think writing it all out helped me a bit.... maybe.. 

Black Friday, Brown Thursday what's next White Wednesday?

This year for the first time that I can remember, there have been retail stores open on Thanksgiving day and giving "DoorBuster Deals"  I for one did not participant in any Black Friday or Brown Thursday.  Have we really forgot why we have thanksgiving in the first place?!

The Pilgrims and the Native Americans came together to celebrate the harvest together and be THANKFUL for what they have meaning the pilgrims made it to the new world, and made friends with the Native Americans.  

This does not mean leaving your family behind and go stand in line for two days to save money on a laptop.    I know the deals are good, but the fights, the early mornings, and the craziness of it all is not enough to NOT spend time with your family. 

"But my kids want this.. and my kids want that"  Look, I know they want those things, and guess what.  Its OK to tell your kids no.  I spent all day with my family on Thursday and then on Saturday, my family and I went and got our Christmas Tree and even did a little shopping of our own. 

My kids ask me why I do not go out for Black Friday and I tell them "No deal is worth fighting crowds, and not spending time with my family"  They may not get as many presents under the tree, but the gifts they do get, they like and treasure.  They love our traditions of Christmas morning just as much as they like getting the presents.  That is what the Holidays is about; spening time with family and enjoying their company. 

So next year instead of standing in line, go home, hug your family and relax and watch some cheesy Christmas movies.   Can we also stop with the stupid commercials that talk about leaving the family and heading to the store?!

Even these workers in Alabama know that while they earn minimum wage they should be able to spend some time with their families instead of working. 

This is how all families should spend Thanksgiving. 

(This is what my mom made for 6 people... We have LOTS of left overs.  Thanks mom!)

50th anniversary of the JFK Assignation and how it still effects me today.

Friday the 22nd of November 1963 the world was forever change.  They say that the shot that started the Revolutionary War was the Shot heard round the world.

JFK's assignation was the 3 shots heard around the world. There were many reports yesterday of how that day changed the united states, the presidency, the secret service, and even media. There were different types of stories and such

I heard a story on NPR yesterday, From Fresh Air, How the assignation changed Live TV today.  That is the one that stuck with me the most.  Very rarely did networks use live TV, because it was just too expensive. That was one of the few times also that the networks decided to cancel commercials. Spending all that money to use live TV, and not getting commercial money.

Yet because of that day, there is not a day goes by that every president since has not had a live TV camera with them. It was because of that decision, that they were able to catch the assignation of Lee Harvey Oswald. If you think about it a little deeper, would our need for social media news and the up to the date information that we need be what it is?

What would social media change the way that Americans reacted to the assignation?  Granted, thanks to TV, America and the world knew about within 10 mins. (That was how long it took for the TV networks to change over).  We would know the minute it happen, and have clear video of it, from 10 different angles, from cell phones everywhere.  There would be reports that would be given out, only to be retracted later as incorrect.  There would be raw Facebook posts of JFK, there would be pictures possibly pointing out the wrong person and people looking for one maintenance main on a room.

Would that improve the impact? Or would it lessen it?

Juggling the holidays with the step-kids, the other parents family, and trying not to top the other parent.

   Anyone who knew me before I married into my blended family, knew I was not the most organize person, and I'm not all the organized now.  That's changed a lot in the last 7 years I've been with my husband.  I went from a carefree lifestyle, only having to worry about where my parents wanted me and when for the holidays to juggling my schedule, husbands schedule, their mom's schedule, and their step-dad's schedule.

I've said it once and I'll say it again. I'm extremely lucky to be able to work with the boys mom as easily as we do.  For example, parent teacher conferences were this week.  We took the boys while she went.  I know we would've loved to be there with the teachers, but I had to work late, so did her husband, and so my husband went and got the kids and stayed with them that night.

However it's the holidays.  Which cause all types of drama in and of themselves, and why not throw everyone wanting to spend time with the kids while we are at it?

I love my mom, and she is a wonderful, caring and devoted person.  She also insists, that my family does Christmas on either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.  When my husband and I first got together, I wanted to strangle her, because there have been years where the boys didn't get to see my parents tree, or see my parents for Christmas because it just didn't work out with what we had worked out with the boys mom.

In situations like these EVERYONE needs to be flexible. Christmas is just a day, like any other, if you really think about it.  The point of Christmas is time together with your family, sharing and giving gifts and having a good time.  So what if it's on December 18th instead of the 25th? The point is for everyone to be together and share in the love.

Every year just around Halloween/beginning of November we sit down and figure out the holidays and who has the kids where and when.  It's a struggle, but we do it for the boys so that they can have the best of both worlds.

This time of year is extremely stressful for everyone, Psychology Today states that in 2011 step-families out number traditional families, and parents, step-parents, and even older step kids feel it acutely because of the blended families.

Please just relax!!  Work with the other parents, don't think YOU have to get them that certain present because you want to see like the cooler parent in the kids eyes.  We usually work with the boys mom so that they can get everything they want. Last year, she got them the wii U.. we got them tablets. The kids were ecstatic all around and they loved it.  They have traditions with us, and they have traditions with them. Believe it or not, the kids can tell when you're trying to compete.  Just be yourself and try not to pull your hair out.

Walking down the aisle again, vow renewals.

 Last year my husband and I renewed our wedding vows after 5 years of marriage.  During the planning process a lot of people asked us why we were renewing our vows.  Well, our wedding took less than 10 mins.  It was at 11am, and we were done by 11:07, and we even got pictures! 

Doesn't the magistrate look so excited?!   Yeah, it wasn't my ideal wedding and the husband suprised me during Christmas 2011 and proposed to me again. 

So then came the planning, and the money, and everything that went in between.  It was quite hectic, but I wouldn't have traded anything for it.  It was my dream wedding and it was my dream day. 

So that brings me back to my post, why have a renewal?  You got married before, why do it again?  There are a lot of reasons why, and what a lot of couples do is the one that I just mentioned.  Another one, is, to celebrate a major wedding anniversary.  The 25th, 50th, etc.  It's also a great way to re-connect with your spouse.  

Not really talkitive tonight, but thanks for listening. 

Video Blog

Watch "Video Blog 1" on YouTube

Favoritism

Hey look at that, another post! Woot keeping my resolution… all right! Ok, onto something serious. I started thinking about this reading a post on Facebook the other night.    

Favoritism, we know it exists, though a lot of people don’t want to recognize it. In my little blog this is when the birth child is favored over the step child. Most step-parents that I know don’t do this, but there are ones that are out there. Sometimes it only seems to happen at the beginning of the relationship, and as the blended family becomes one it goes away, sometimes it’s the family of the parents; the grandparents, the aunts and the uncles. This is normal, the relatives have a deeper connection to the birth child and do not spend a lot of time with the step-child, it’s hard to just see someone a few times a year and have that connection. The problem comes from when they openly show the favoritism in front of the children, both step and birth and that’s what I want to focus on today.

What the step parent and the new relatives of the step child need to do is NOT to do that. No matter how they feel they need to treat each child exactly the same. If you buy something for one kid, then you need to buy something for the other kid, of equal value. If your parents buy something for your child, they need to buy something for your step child. If they have pictures all over of their grandchild/niece/nephew, well it’s time to put up pictures of the step child. They may not like it, but they are now step-grandparents/uncles/aunts, and the children have them as step grandparents/uncles/aunts through no fault of their own. Step kids are thrown into these relationships whether they like it or not, and they will feel insecure about spending time with them. To fawn all over the birth child and ignore the step-child will only increase their insecurity. The children will think, “What’s wrong with me? Why am I left out?” So if you see this happening, you need to tell your family and your friends, “These are all my children and you will treat them as such”

A co-worker of my mom overheard her talking about her grandchildren and said, “I didn't know your daughter had kids” Looking all miffed that she missed this big event. My mom says, “Well she didn't she married a man that had two boys, and those are my grandchildren” This woman had the nerve to say, “Well they’re not really your grandchildren.” When Mom told me this I wanted to find this woman and punch her in the face. My mom loves the boys and spoils them absolutely rotten, they so look forward to going to my parents because she gives them toys and money and treats, and basically spoils them rotten like any grandparent. I told my mom, “Technically they are your step-grandchildren, but they love you like a grandma and you love them like a grandma henceforth you are a grandma.” It’s people like my mom’s co-worker who cause me to write this particular blog.

Now another part of this is the inadvertent favoritism. You don’t mean to do it, but you do. The way I see this happening is when the step-child goes to spend some time at the birth parent, the step-parent and spouse and birth child go do some activities, and when the stepchild comes back you talk all about it, and how great it was. Think of it this way, you go to visit a friend, and while you’re gone your family goes shopping, goes out to dinner goes to an amusement park, or goes to sports game. When you return they tell you all about it, how great it was, and all you did at your friend’s house is normal every day activities. Now that wouldn't feel the greatest now would it? Everyone had a great time while you were gone… why don’t you just stay away?

But, I bet you’re saying, “Well we have fun when they’re here, we go out to dinner, and play games and go to sports events, so why does it matter that we do the same when they’re not here?” Key words there are they are not there. You can do something right 99 times, but the 1 time that you do something wrong, that is what everyone remembers. Just ask skydivers, 6 years later and I’m still reminded on a regular basis about my malfunction that was caught on tape. The same goes for kids; that one time will stick in their memory forever. Now I’m not saying do nothing while your step kid is with their birth parent, but don’t dwell on it, and don’t mention it that often. Also try to save the big things for when everyone is together. Is that inconvenient? Is it annoying? Yeah it’s annoying to schedule things around when you have all the kids together, but guess what you’re in this situation and you need to make it livable for everyone.

So in conclusion, if you or your family doesn't feel that special connection with the step-child, it’s time to fake it till you make it. There have been studies that even dogs will feel envy and jealously if another dog is getting more attention than them, how much more intense are those feelings in young children? When kids feel ignored, or when they think everyone likes their step-sibling better than them, this leads to hurt feelings and resentment, which in turn leads to behavior issues, which causes everyone stress, and no one wants that. 

Holidays and Listening

Well the hustle and bustle of the holiday season is over.. and my resolution is to be more organized and be more motivated.  To do that I've moved my computer into the back computer room and not have it out in the living room to distract me as much.

Now I'll tell you how the holidays went as a step parent - before I do that remember, we have an awesome relationship with the boys mom.

By the way - Reader's discretion - We will be discussing things little children may not want to read or hear.  You've been warned

It went great, the boys loved their presents and they were very happy.

This year we dropped the Santa bomb.  The boys Mom and I had been discussing it for quite some time, and I was really nervous about it.   I knew that we couldn't afford to get a big present from Santa and from us, and Gina (not her real name, but don't want to say her name if she doesn't want me too) was feeling the same thing.

The thing was, I didn't want to do it and their dad was just going to tell them (the same way he told them about sex... oi, but that's another story) and I said, no we have to do this gently.  A few weeks after Halloween,  I started talking about Santa, and Nicky just bursts out. "That's ok, Mama told us about Santa, and how you guys buy the presents" Ben pops up, "Yeah there's no Santa"

Ok great, we'll just go ahead and go along with that, and I was grateful Christmas wasn't going to be as expensive (at least I thought that then).  Anyways, the weekend before Thanksgiving my mom's work had a package to go view the lights before christmas at the toledo zoo.  She bought tickets for the whole family, and we went down. Walking around, I ask the boys if they wanted to see Santa, Nicky shook his head, but then Ben got all excited.  (I realize that I probably shouldn't have asked that)  So I said we'll see if we have time, and Ben got distracted by other things that night.

So when Gina came and picked up the boys on Sunday, I told her about it, and she let me know that Ben's Para Pro had told Ben that she believed in Santa and that was enough for Ben.  (His morning para pro can move the earth and stars in Ben's eyes).

So then over the course of the next few weeks, I found out that Ben had a little girlfriend and that Nicky had been missing homework.  We only found out because the boys got in trouble, and I was a little irked by this. I was like we need to know these things, but then I realized.. we hadn't asked. Every time the boys would come to our house, we would ask them about school, and when Gina would come pick them up. We would say hi, here's their stuff, they're homework is done... and bye.  That's it. So I realized if I want to know more about what is going on in school. I need to ask.

I realize I don't tell the boys mom if something happened on our end, and she doesn't do the same because in the whole 5 mins that we spend together when switching kids, it has to do more with what's going on right then and there and saying goodbye to the boys.  When I ask the boys what's going on in school, I usually get a shrug, most kids are the same and they'll tell you stuff but not the whole nine yards.

So my lesson from that, was simply, we need to ask about the boys and what is going on in school.. if we don't know, it's our own fault.

So, you want to know what is going on with the kids, ASK... talk to the ex and go in with calm and respect. Will it work right away?  Probably not.. it's going to take some time, because there are hurt feelings there.  Yet, you are in each other's life for the rest of your lives and well you better get use to it so learn how to talk to them, and keep learning because it is easy to forget as I am showcasing this right now.

Well, until next time, if I can keep my resolution.

Being a Step-Parent

So far my blog has been mostly me talking about my life, and what is going on.  Nothing too extreme or interesting in any way shape or form.

Well for a while now I've been looking on Facebook and seeing a lot of my single parent friends make comments about the non custodial parents, and other step parents make posts about dealing with baby mama, or baby daddy drama.

Now, I'm a step-parent and have been officially one for 5 years, unofficially for 7.  Lots of time I like to offer advice to others about how to be a step-parent.  So I thought about turning it into a blog, but before I get into all of that.  Let me tell you the story of how I came to be a step-parent.  It's not pretty, I'm not proud of some of the things I've done, but it all turned out beautifully and I love my life.

It all started about 7 years ago.  I was married to a man who was still a child, and was looking for someone to take care of him.  His weed and his friends meant more to him than I did.  I worked a full time job, and went to school full time pulling 13 hour days Monday - Saturday.  During that time I meet my current husband, and he was still married to his first wife.  Things weren't going great in their marriage either.  I won't go into details, that's her story to tell, but we were both looking for ways out.

Things came to a head with my husband and I, and I left him.  I had other places to stay, but in my short sightedness, I did not think I had one so I went to live with my current husband and his wife.  Let me tell you something, this is a BAD idea.  The drama that ensued afterward probably took about 15 years off everyone's life that was in that house, however I meet the boys for the first time, and even changed my first diaper, while everyone laughed at me because I was 25 years old and never changed a diaper.

7 months later things came to a major head and everything came out in the open, and everyone officially knew everything.  I am almost positive that my husband's ex-wife knew, but she didn't say anything.  My husband said that he wanted to work on the relationship with his first wife, and I had to go.  So I went with a broken heart and started to live life on my own.  Then about two weeks later, I get a call, his ex-wife said they needed to talk and he thought this was it.  Now during my stay there, they said this pretty much every month and they always worked it and I said so, but if he needed a place to stay, to call me to get directions.

I did not expect to get a call, and was planning on heading to bed, when I got a call and he was on his way. So I gave him directions.  We spent the weekend together and we've been together ever since. At the time Dan was wanting to just leave everything behind and start a new life, it seemed easier.  Thank goodness for his ex-wife who said NO, these boys need you and you will be a part of their lives, and so it began.

At that time we all kind of made a silent agreement to do stuff for the kids.  Both my husband and his ex-wife  went to the SMILE course that was required for their divorce and they actually paid attention to it.  Now the emotions between us and her were a roller coaster, but we always made sure to do what is best for the kids.  

I can not tell you enough how important it is for everyone to make sure what they are doing is what is best for the kids.  

In my blog I will still talk about my day to day activities, but also my adventures as a step-parent and the adventures of the other step-parents I know.   So my first word of advice is that you will never match up to the birth parent.  No matter what.

There are a few exceptions to the rule, but for the most part the kids will always want their birth parent.  I've seen this in a lot of different aspects.  No matter how the step parent is far superior to the birth parent in parenting skills, the birth parent is before you.  I have seen where the birth parent has said that they do not have time to see their children to the actual child, and the step parent comes in and saves the day.  The second the birth parent says yeah I'll see you if I have to, the birth child will go with the birth parent.  You could be the most awesome step-parent in the world, but kids want their mom or dad.

Sometimes this is not the case when the child doesn't know their parent.  When the birth parent has never even met the child.  Unfortunately this happens more than not, and it irks me that people are like that. That's another rant for another day.

Here's the thing, no matter what do not try to be the parent because you are not the parent. You are the step-parent.  By trying to be the parent or be better than the parent because you are just putting the child in a spot that is not good for them.  You're forcing the child to choose between two people that they love.  Don't ask them what their parent is doing or who do like better, or anything that would put their parent down, because they are just going to say what they think you want to hear because they do not want to make you mad or hurt your feelings, and then if you bring it up in front of the parent that really makes the child uncomfortable.

The most important thing you can do in this situation is to simply be there for the kid.  Listen to them, do not be judgmental and do not speak badly about their birth parent in front of them. When was the last time you wanted to hear something bad about the person you love and love the person saying it too much that you didn't want to say anything to stop them?  Sounds like an awkward position right?  Do you want to put a young kid in that position?

Well what about when the kid doesn't like you?  Well that's in our next installment.  Have a great week!

Just some random musings

So it’s been a while since I updated… and I figure that perhaps it’s time to write something, though I’m not really sure what to write.   I’ve discovered the wonderful thing of pinterest, and I have to say I love it.  Though all the easy projects that are on there, that I say I have to try, will probably never be done because well I am pretty lazy, and I come home from work and all I want to do is crash.

Is it my depression?  Probably.  What do I need to do to get over it?  Who knows… I just feel so.. blargh lately.  There’s nothing that really make me depressed, in all honesty I should be really happy.  I have a loving husband, a few really good friends, an awesome family, I own my home and it’s not getting foreclosed on,  I own the two cars in my driveway, and I’m keeping my head above water.  As long as I keep ignoring all those medical bills. 

Yet, I still feel depressed.  Is there something out there that will fix it?  Probably not, it’s probably chemical, or at least need to come to grips even more that I really will never have my own children.  Most days, I can handle it, most days it doesn’t even phase me, but I find myself looking at my surgery scars lately and sighing.   Physically my life is SOOOO much better since I’ve had my hysterectomy.  I’m no longer completely disabled whenever my periods start have hardly missed a day of work since then. Which is a minor miracle for me.

More than likely I probably need to go to a therapist, but I HAAAATTE talking about my feelings.  I’m so very much like my father in that aspect.  My folks always taught us, just deal with it, move on.  Don’t get hung up on things, and in classic Burchill fashion I’ll grumble and make a face and walk away.   Unless I haven’t had my anti-anxiety pills for a while, and if I have an attack the tears and emotions and words just come flying out of me.

Wedding planning is going well, and I have everything pretty planned, just need to get a few more decorations, and pay for everything.  That’s the hard part, paying for everything.  I’ve done really well, I have a $5000 dollar budget for the wedding, though about 2300 of it is paid for my by folks which will be paid back slowly over time.  

There’s stuff going on in the news that just makes me roll my eyes lately.  People are just getting all bent out of shape over the littlest things.   We had brunch after church on Sunday with some friends of ours, and we started talking about the presidential campaign.  The thing that irks me is all the e-mails and rumors about this that and the other thing about all the candidates.  My mother in law and father are prime examples.  Just because it comes in an e-mail, does not make it true!! In fact if it does come in a forwarded e-mail, I would be extra cautious because of the simple fact that people are stupid.  A person is smart, but people as a whole are stupid.  The whole mob mentality thing, where people justify themselves because someone else did it or sent it, look if you forward an e-mail with crap about Romney or Obama, that means you believe it.  Take 5 mins, and do some research and see if it really is true!   Heck, my father with a master’s degree still believes that Obama swore in on a copy of the Karan, heck 5 mins after looking up things on the internet find out that another republican senator was sworn in on the Karan, and Obama swore in on the Bible in both the senate and as the president. 

And to be honest with you, to me, it doesn’t matter who is president, because The House and Senate are so bogged down in partisan bull crap that nothing gets done anymore.   Each person in the House and Senate are so worried that come next election cycle their opponents will look at them and say, “See he compromised, he’s not a real democrat/republican don’t vote for him, vote for me!”   It’s stupid, and it’s sending this country right to hell in a handbasket.

You’re supposed to be there for the people, to find the best possible solution for all parties involved, and guess what that means?  You have to compromise sometimes, heck you might need to compromise all the time.  Republicans, democrats, tea party, etc etc etc, we all live in this country together.  For the past 100 years we’ve been the epitome of power and strength in the world, and now we’re like the laughing stock, while other countries are taking our jobs and our security.   So grow some balls, and figure out how to make things work.  Plan and simple.

Mr. Limbaugh am I a Slut?

Ok, I don’t normally like to get on my soapbox because everyone is entitled to their opinion, but when you make yourself look like a complete idiot, I need to step up.

Everyone knows Rush Limbaugh, the man is an icon, and self-proclaimed spokesman for the republican party.  Now I’m not republican or democrat, I’m what you call independent.  My vote swings back and forth each election cycle, and I vote for who I think will do the best job, not whether they call themselves republican or democrat (which is a whole other post in and of itself). 

So part of Obama care is that employers pay for birth control for the employees.   It’s the relatively inexpensive pill form.  Not the shot, not one of those thingies you put up your vagoo, just regular help control your hormones birth control.  Yet, many people are quite up in arms about having to pay for this.  Many say it goes against their religion for any form on contraception and others think it’s just a free reign to have sex. Rush Limbaugh seems to think along both of these lines.

There was a law student by the name of Sandra Fluke, who went and testified before congress that having employers or schools pay for birth control helped her out basically saying that a year’s supply of birth control can costs over 3,000 dollars.  She got some flak for it as any one goes before a committee hearing does, but good ole Rush took it to a whole other level.

What does it say about the college coed Susan [sic] Fluke, who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex? What does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex.
She's having so much sex she can't afford the contraception. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex. What does that make us? We're the pimps.
The johns, that's right. We would be the johns — no! We're not the johns. Well — yeah, that's right. Pimp's not the right word.
OK, so, she's not a slut. She's round-heeled. I take it back.

Ok Rush let me tell you my little story, not glamorous, but one that many a woman in this United States, including republicans I assure you, has experienced.

I give fair warning, I’m going to be talking about my girlie time. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I did not start to have my first period till I was nearly 16.  I was the epitome of what you would call a late bloomer.   My parents and I started to think something might be wrong, but we waited since I had some spotting here and there over the last year.  Finally my real period hit at a summer party at my aunt’s house, and that’s when things started to suck.   

I hurt very badly that day and the cramps were horrible, at least I thought they were.  My mother on the other hand just figured it was because I’d never really experienced them before.   I went through one of my aunt’s regular pads in an hour, and then she gave me a super and I made it home and then I went through supers about every two hours.  Next day, just a little bit of bleeding, and then the third day nothing. 

My period continued like this for the next several months, except I had no symptoms of my period coming until the day of.  I would have horrible fatigue in my legs that it felt like I just ran a marathon.  (on a short side note, the one or two times my periods came during track meets I would run awesome that day).  I would having severe nausea and vomiting, and would go through those super pads in two hours.  Heaven help me, if I had forgotten to bring some pads and would get the ones from the office, and those things didn’t do crap because they would leak through.  I would also have to go home from school for these symptoms, which shot my attendance record all the shizernit.  When I got home, I would be taking 4 ibuprofen every 3 to 4 hours, hot baths and heating pads and sleeping where the only things that would ebb the pain.   After 4 months of this, my mom took me to my first girlie doctor appointment.   Doctor said that my symptoms were not that atypical and that birth control would fix it.  So there I was on birth control at 16.  The difference was sublime.  My periods lasted longer than two days, but I could wear a normal

I was not what one would call one of the “cool kids” in high school.  Several girls would torment me on a regular basis, and I was not asked to hang out with them, and so I spent most of my time in honors bands, or track or swimming, or some other extra-curricular activity.   So I COMPLETELY oblivious to anything about sex.  

Now eventually my senior year in high school, I did have sex, but I didn’t have it because I was on birth control.  No, I succumbed to peer pressure.   By my senior year I had finally grown out of my awkward phase, and I had a steady boyfriend, and a cute one at that! My naïve little mind was way happy about that, considering I’d been called big lips Burchill and a dog since I was in elementary school never thought I’d get one of those.   He’d been around the block a few times, and to impress him I said I had been too.  Finally one day after a heavy make-out session he said want to go into the bedroom, and I said ok.   

Anyways, by the time I got to college I’d been on BC for several years that was covered by my parents insurance.  However, I went through what one would call a personal growth period and dropped out.  There for I was no longer on my parents insurance, and my naïve little mind did not realize this.   So my job sucked, paid just over minimum wage, and it was all I could do to pay rent (was learning how to budget my money the very hard way) and could not afford birth control.  So my wonderful symptoms came back.  My poor ex-husband didn’t know what to do, and my employer was not thrilled about it either as I would have to miss work  However I worked into a routine, I would start to recognize the symptoms and get some Motrin in me and a hot bath to relax the muscles or a heating pad.  I always had lots of back-ups in my car in case something would happen.  I was even starting to work it down to the hour.  After 18 hours my symptoms would improve, and I was normal again.  However if I was somewhere where I could not do my EXACT routine, I was S.O.L.   The vomiting, nausea, dizziness, fatigue, was horrible.

When I got my life back around and got a halfway decent job that offered birth control I was able to get back on them again, and life was WAAAAAAAY better. 

Mr. Limbaugh, as you can see there is a definite cause and effect to me taking birth control and not taking birth control.  Without the birth control, I would miss days of work, ruin clothing, ruin my liver, and be completely miserable 12 days a year.

Now, do you want to call me a slut?

Just not feeling it today

So here we are about 6 months from the wedding.  Planning is in full swing and I think I have pretty much everything planned. I have my dress, my veil, my shoes, and my garter.  I have linens, and table wear set up.  I have my vendors all set up.  We’re getting the flowers all ourselves.  My mom is taking care of the centerpieces.  We have the plan of where we’re going to get all the food.  The easy part is over.  Now we just need to pay for it all.

Ok, I’ll be honest with you, today and yesterday I haven’t felt like doing crap.  I feel exhausted and all I want to do is sleep.  I had a horrible weekend.  I’ll start with the good parts though.

We unexpectedly got the boys Thursday night.  They had a four day weekend and their mom wanted to know if would like to have them for half of the weekend.  We of course said we would.  Any chance to be with the boys is a good one.   Dan’s been doing pretty bad this week, so I had to go pick up the boys from work, and they were excited to see me, and then we did some shopping together.  They weren’t excited about that, but when I said since you boys were good, we’ll drive through McDonald’s.  So they were even more ecstatic.  

Friday, work went normal, except that my work load is getting smaller as the calling session is coming to a close, and we do not have any agents to call since we’ve contacted most of them already.  Then met up with Alissa at David’s Bridal, and picked out a dress that would fit her when she had a baby belly.   We then went to a house in the ghettos of Saginaw, to get a flower girl dress for $35 dollars.  Oh my goodness what a horrible, white trashy house. It stunk and there was no organization to it what-so-ever.  We quickly decided on the dress because we liked the shoulder straps better than the one at david’s bridal and then went to dinner, which was a bit of a hassle seeing as everything had a wait since it was Friday night.  So we went to Bob Evans and had a good meal.  Alissa was starving and we joked that she’ll be having a boy since she is so hungry.  Had a big meal, and then Alissa went to the bathroom, and that’s when things went downhill.

Two weeks previous when Alissa was about 6 weeks along, she had some bleeding, they did an ultra-sound and were able to find the baby and a heartbeat, and she was ordered to bed rest until the bleeding stopped.  She rested for those two weeks and the bleeding had indeed stopped.  Friday was the first day she’d been out and active.  When Alissa went to the bathroom after dinner she started again.  It was not as bad as the first time, then it became the same, and then it got worse.  Late Saturday night, something large and what appeared to be in a sac had passed and since Shane had been up since 4 AM that morning Alissa asked me to take her to the hospital.  They were able to pretty much confirm our suspicions, that Alissa had a miscarriage.  

It hurts so bad knowing that this happened, and even though it’s completely illogical, I can’t help but feel it’s partly my fault.  I know I shouldn’t.  It’s no one’s fault that these things happen, but that is how I feel.   The question keeps going over and over in my mind, what if she had stayed home and not been so completely selfish about my wedding, she might still be pregnant.   I know they’re not logical, but I do.   I feel the loss of my niece/nephew (technically she’s not my sister, but she’s my best friend, and she’s like a sister and I call her children my nieces and her husband my brother in law) I feel the loss that she’s going through, I feel it all.

Other things that happen are that one of my friends has fallen off the face of the earth.  He’s my tattoo artist and was going to be my DJ for the wedding renewal.  He was supposed to come up this weekend and finish my tattoo, just like we’ve been supposed to meet up for the last four weekends, but something always seems to come up with him.  Saturday, he was supposed to come up to my place and finish it, yet I received no call, no text, no e-mail, nothing.   It doesn’t bother me that something came up and he couldn’t make it.  It bothers me that he did not call me.  So now to get my tattoo finished, I either need to pay someone else, or go back to the tattoo shop where he worked before and they finish it.   Which I have started with, but they need to verify things on their end before they can say, yeah come in we’ll finish it.   Plus I will now need to pay someone to be my DJ.  Alissa’s mom has agreed to be my DJ, but she has to work in the AM, and that worries me that she’ll bail before the party is over or something.  I dunno. 

I just don’t know right now…. And all I want to do is curl up in a ball and just cry right now.

Another long absence.

So quick blog update because I haven’t posted in ages!  Dan and I are renewing our vows, or as a co-worker put it, getting re-married.  Dan was super sweet and proposed to me just before Christmas after I had gotten home from a concert.  It was way sweet and now I am full and headlong into planning mode and I love it. 

I’ve always liked being in charge and cane seem to delegate pretty well.  I like giving other people’s jobs and have them do their best to bring something together.   Though with my wedding, I’m like super control freak, but I realize that’s going to drive me nuts so after much anxiety I relinquished the decorating and setting up of the reception hall to my good friend Lee Anne.  She’ll get everything up and going on my big day, while all the ladies go get pampered. I will also send the guys to go and be her minions, something that she is very excited about. 

Then just this last week my maid of honor, ok technically Matron cause she just got married but it’s all the same to me, found out she is pregnant and is due late September.  I’m way excited for her, and she is going to be waddling down the isle and I think that is the cutest thing in the world.  I’m going to dress her all up. Hehheheh

So I will have to throw her a baby shower because it’s been 6years since her last one, and it’s the first one of her new family, so that makes me excited as I get to plan that.  Some of you, the whole 5 people who read this, will say “But Kat shouldn’t her Mom do something like this?”  Her mom is not really into doing stuff like this, and is busy with her own life.  She has a sister, but she’s way out in Colorado or something like that, and couldn’t manage to make it back for her wedding, so I doubt she would do something like this too.

Then my rescue, Paws for the Cause Feral Cat Rescue, has basically relocated from Texas to Michigan and we are in need of supplies and food for the ferals, and any other animals in need that we come across.  So we are planning a fundraiser, and I’m spearheading that.  My director’s job is to get everyone there, my job is to get everything together. 

So yes, I’m a planning fool and I love each and every minute of it, I would go into my own if I had the guts too, but I don’t.   Maybe I do, I need to look into getting a license and doing some minimal advertising, perhaps more than just putting my name on craigslist.

I had a hysterectomy since the last time I posted, I should’ve posted about that, and the experience that goes with it.  The hardest part since I lost my uterus is not being able to keep track of when my girlie time is.  “But Kat you don’t have periods anymore, why would you have a girlie time?”  The thing is I kept my ovaries so I don’t go into early menopause, which means I still have my monthly cycle, just really hard to keep track of it now, and I turn into an emotional rollercoaster sometimes.   Though yesterday could be due to the fact that I’m planning 3 parties all at the same time.

It started off, I got mad at Dan because he washed my sweater, and then work was rough, and I came home and Dan had done more laundry, and thrown away the junk mail before I had time to look at it.   It wasn’t good, there were multiple times I yelled at him yesterday about the silliest things.  Lee Anne said, “I’m surprised he didn’t try to smother you”  This was in reference that I told her that Dan and I agreed on something but I continued to argue because I just wanted him to say something specific and he wouldn’t. 

Eventually we went to bed still P.Oed at each other, and Dan was still mad the next morning, and I was still an emotional wreck, but after much much talking, we agreed ok, we’re nit-picking on some things and it’s bothering us.  Time to call in a pro to figure out what’s going on.  Even after we decided, Dan had to really convince me because I do not like talking about some things with anyone but Dan, we still talked and parted on good terms.   We decided I need to stop comparing myself to everyone else and just be my own person darnit, and Dan needs to communicate better. 

Part of my little bit of self therapy is doing my blog again.  It’s good to just get my thoughts out there, even though the only people that read this is like 5 people.  Dan, his ex wife, my best friend, and maybe one or two people that are friends with me on facebook.   Yeah, exciting life I lead.  

Which reminds me, my friend Lee Anne, waaaaay better story teller than I am, and I told her she needs to make a blog.   So comment on here and tell her to make a blog and I can show her and say… here other people think you should make a blog too.

Fourth of July

Ahh the fourth of July Weekend is done and complete.  I had a good time, spent some good quality time with the boys and Dan.  We had fun with some friends Sunday night and then went to the Midland fireworks on Monday.

Now I don’t know if it was because we picked kinda a bad spot, we were behind some trees but the Midland ones were not that impressive, at least not compared to the Frankenmuth ones.  It could’ve been we were not in the best place to see the fireworks, because there was a line of trees and we could not see the lower ones. 

Perhaps next year when we go, we’ll go and sit closer in front of the trees.

I tell ya, you really get to see people when you go to the fireworks.

In Frankenmuth there were a ton of really nice people and the kids all got together and played together and the parents could just chill out and watch their kids have fun.

In Midland, everyone stayed closed together.  When the boys tried to play with some other kids, they were ignored.  There was one kid that played with the boys, who seemed nice, but his dad literally spent the whole time looking at his phone, and not interacting with his son or anybody. To me that’s pretty sad.

Let’s see, what did we do this weekend?  Friday I came home from work and we decided to have a bonfire, so we lit some of the brush piles that we have in the back, and the boys enjoyed that.  We also set up all the tiki torches that I have.  Well not all.  There are still the 4 from previous years that need to be cleaned and set back up.  It really helps keep the bugs away, let me tell you.

Saturday was a day of gardening and playing outside, playing with the hose, and just being goofy.  The kids shaved their dad’s head.  There’s a video of it on YouTube.  They boys loved it.  They also made their own “web show”  like iCarly, which lasted one whole minute, but they had fun.

Sunday we relaxed and cleaned the boys books and toys, and then went to the Frankenmuth fireworks with some good friends of ours.

Monday was more playing in the water and fireworks, pretty much your typical 4^th weekend.

So this morning was back to the old grind, and after I got dressed I turned on the Today show.  Love that show by the way, been watching it since I was a kid.  Anyways they were interviewing a woman whose ex-husband’s wife posted a sex ad on craigslist posting as her.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/43638421#43638421

I mean really, why would someone do that?  That is deliberately putting those small children and that woman in danger.  I mean, I would be livid if that happened to me.  You do not know what kind of people answer those ads. Was there not a man who murdered prostitutes that were advertising on Craigslist?  This could of happened to this woman and her 3 small children.  The ex-husband’s wife claims it was all done as a prank, but that is one serious prank, and I say it was probably done maliciously.

 Once again I am so thankful, for the relationship I have with Dan’s ex-wife. 

I just don’t understand how people can be so mean and rude and vindictive to each other.  Look whatever happened, happened, and you either deal with it and move on, or you let it fester and control your whole life where you make dumb stupid mistakes.

Anyways, time to get off of my soapbox.

I have my surgery on Friday, and I go in and see doctor tomorrow about what happened last Monday.  Oh! I don’t think I told y’all what happened.

So last Monday, I’m at work.  Typical work day, nothing too excited except we have a new part time person who started.  I went to the bathroom, and afterwards came out, the new girl’s badge was not working properly and so I showed her how she can get in another way through the break room, and thankfully her badge worked in that door.  So I walk back to my desk and suddenly I get a sharp pain in my lower abdomen, right where my uterus is.  I think, maybe I didn’t get rid of everything that was in my colon, so I stumble back to the bathroom, it hurt so bad I could barely walk, and try to go to the bathroom again.  Nothing.  I stumble my way back out, and I see one of the other department supervisors, and tell her, I think I need to go to the hospital.  She gets my boss, and my boss’s boss, and come check me out and we all decide, yeap, need to go to the hospital.  So I stumble off to my boss’s car and she rushes me to St. Mary’s Hospital that is just around the corner from us.  She drops me off at the door and goes to park.  I walk in, and they tell me “You have to sign in”  Say wha?! So I sign in and go take a seat, fortunately there is no one else there, and the triage nurse calls me in, who proceeds to ask me a TON of questions, all the while I am crying in pain.  I tell her, “Give me something to take away the pain, and I’ll answer all your stupid questions”  To which she tell me, no you have to answer these. 

I finally get into a room, and then have to wait for the doctor who asks me if I want an ultrasound or not.  Listen dude, I nucking can not think straight right now, give me something to take away the pain, and then we’ll talk.   After I tell him about the fibroid he decides ok, I’ll get the MRI (which was done 3 weeks previous to this incident)  and we’ll do a pelvic exam then pain medicine.  I tell him no, I want it right now.  Forutnately he listens and 20 mins after he leaves I get a shot of Morphine.   Whoa, that’s some stuff, but it took away the pain, and that’s all I cared about.

Finally 6 hours later after blood tests and crap, he comes back and says, “yeah it’s the fibroid that you know about, here’s some prescriptions to deal with the pain.”  No explanation as to why it suddenly started hurting or anything, but at that point, I just wanted to go home.

I call my OBGYN’s office the next day, tell them what happened, and they said, take the T3’s but not the Motrin because of your laparoscopic surgery next week.  Ok, no big deal.  Then I get to thinking, I’m in pain, can barely move and hardly sit and it hurts to go to the bathroom… is my doctor going to do anything about that? So I call them back, the problem is my doctor is away at a conference all week.  So I talk to the office manager who relays the messages.  She says I’m scheduled for a diagnostic laparoscopic surgery with possible removal of endometriosis, and nothing about doing anything with my uterus.

Ok, well I need to talk to the doctor because things have changed.   So I go see her tomorrow, and tell her what happened, and see what the plan is.  I’ll probably still have surgery on Friday, but maybe schedule another to take my fricken uterus out.  I don’t use it, I hate the darn thing, and it’s pretty obvious I’m not going to have children of my own. 

I’ve come to terms with it, I don’t like it a whole lot, but I married a man that had a vasectomy and reversing that isn’t covered by insurance, and it’s hella expensive.  I got two beautiful little step-babies that I love with all my heart and they make me extremely happy.  Especially when they cuddle with me, like they did at both fireworks.  That is something that I will remember for a long time.

Been doing pretty good!

Woot! I’ve been regularly updating my blog.  Go me!!

So I finally got to go jumping last weekend, thanks to the lovely bank of Dad.  My daddy is so sweet, and I am a tried and true daddy’s girl.  He paid for my USPA renewal and for my jumps.  When we got to the DZ he said, “Where’s your helmet”    My helmet trap broke and I needed a new chin strap, and was just too lazy to go on and do it.  Lots of people jump without helmets all the time, so I didn’t think too much of it. 

Well that apparently isn’t good enough for my dad.  Next thing I knew he bought the helmet that was for sale in the display case and boom, I had a new helmet.  So that’s my birthday gift taken care of for next month.  ^_^

I had two jumps that day.  The first one was rough,  first time jumping in 8 months.  Man the butterflies were just a going, so much so that I almost didn’t make a 2^nd jump.  Dad talked me into it, and I’m SSOOOO glad I did.  It was a most awesome jump where I went out and enjoyed myself.  There was a cloud, shaped like a horseshoe, and I went right through the horseshoe part.  It was so cool!!  I probably should get me one of those gopro cameras and put it on my helmet so that I could show you all.  Maybe that’s what I’ll ask for Christmas... hmmm.

anyways here's a picture of my new helmet, modeled by the cutest 6 year old in the world.

Other exciting news is that my best friend is finally getting married to her boyfriend.  Let me give you the lowdown on this little story.  Almost two years ago, Alissa was sad she left her 2^nd husband, and was lonely and asked me, “Why can’t I find a rich good looking guy who loves kids and is good to me?”  She said it jokingly, but I knew that she was kinda serious. 

So that night, I was wracking my brain wondering if I could hook Alissa up with someone, as I laid down in bed and said my prayers, I said, “God help me out here, Alissa needs a good guy”  Boom! Shane popped into my head and I’m like… Duh! That would be perfect! 

This is why God rocks.

Anyways, after much pushing and shoving on my part because they are the two most shyest people in the stinking WORLD, they went on a date to the movies, and then started seeing each other on a regular basis.   After a few months… things went downhill.  They broke up, but decided to stay friends.  Things stayed this way for a long time.  They hung out every night together, went on dates, but they weren’t really dates, because they were just friends, (at least that’s what I was told).  Then earlier this month, drama happened, and they both spilled their feelings for each other and decided to date again.  Then yesterday I get a text “Shane and I are engage”   Commence Happy Kat Dance.

I have now thrown myself into Wedding Planner/Maid of Honor roll.  I have scheduled her hair and make up for their wedding date, commissioned someone to do invitation, and made a couple of appointments this weekend for her to try on dresses.  Dan is ready to bury his head in the sand because I’m so excited.  I’m even worrying Alissa a bit, but if she plans stuff now, she can do payment plans on the vendors and get it all taken care of now, and not worry about any big scary unexpected expenses popping up.

I’m also going to be planning her wedding shower, and I’m helping plan a baby shower as well.

I love this planning stuff!  Maybe I should go into the event planning business; we’ll see how these 3 events go.

I should probably make some spreadsheets up and some binders to hold all the information in. 

Ok now onto the soap box portion of my happy little blog.

Brystol Palin has come out with book, talking about her life.  You’re 20 years old chicky… You haven’t lived long enough to have a memoir, but the crap that you say in this book, you will regret in 10 years, cause trust me. I regret a lot of stuff I did when I was 20. 

It’s just a huge publicity stunt, where she rips on her ex boyfriend/fiancée Levi Johnson, and talk about how wonderful her mom is.  I mean seriously… her mom probably wrote the book and put Brystol’s name on it.  Oh and Levi is coming out with a book later this year.

I mean really people?  You’re not even old enough to drink, what do you expect to accomplish when you’re writing these books and trashing each other?  It’s like Facebook, but in print and you’re expecting people to buy it.

The sad thing is… people will buy it.  The same people who was Fox News all the time and think that Fox News is fair and equal reporting. /commence eye roll

Another thing to eye roll on is the fricken government.  Obama went on the news last night, saying they are starting preparations to bring 33,000 troops home by July next year, and then even more by 2014.

Then Democrats cried out, “That’s too fast, it’ll make Afghanistan fall apart”  and then the republicans turn around, “That’s not fast enough, bring our people home!”

I mean really?  Is the political divide so bad that we have to criticize everything that Obama is doing?!   Like check out this cartoon, from NPR Double Take http://www.npr.org/2011/06/14/137175063/double-take-toons-gop-all-stars

Obama did a lot of things that the republicans want, and a lot of things that democrats wanted.  He’s not the best president, but he’s not the worse.  He’s done what he can to do to do compromise, and in the process, he’s making everyone made because they want their way or the highway.

That’s enough political stuff.  I have a friend who does a feral cat rescue.  Basically she buys food for feral cats, traps them, gets them fixed, and let’s them out into the wild once more; because they are feral they can not be adopted.

However, the last 3 weeks, she’s been like peter piper and has every lost kitten and puppy come find her.  I’ve been helping her find homes for some animals.  She cares about these animals so much, that she got plane tickets all the way up here to give two kittens homes. She paid more than my mortgage payment to get up here. I've been helping her try to find homes for some of the kitties that she has. There are SOOO many animals that need to go to good homes, most of the time they are euthanized, if they do not.  If you can go visit her facebook page Paws for the Cause Feral Cat Rescue and donate some money so that it helps buy food for the cats.

So please if you are looking for an animal, instead of spending a lot of money, rescue a homeless animal. You’ll never find a more loving companion.

Riding on the pity wagon

Oi, what a rough couple of days, and I’m an emotional mess on top of it.

Dan comes to me this morning, and says, “I don’t think I’m up for going down to your parents this weekend.”

Le sigh.  I mean, everyone understands Dan’s issues, but Dan was feeling this after the whole fiasco yesterday and it’s frustrating to me.  It happened yesterday, we had a problem we fixed it.  End of story.  Unfortunately, that is not always the case with Dan. 

Here’s the thing, I’ll have a bad day.  I will come home and vent for 20 -30 mins, Dan will listened and then the rational part of my brain kicks in and I calm down and everything is fine. 

Dan will literally not let it go for days.  Even this morning as I was getting ready to leave for work, he talked about his anger and frustration over what happened yesterday.  Then I get frustrated over him still dwelling on it.

I mean there are a lot of other things that could be wrong with out relationship, and it’s probably just because I am still an emotional wreck because of Aunt Flo visiting, and me worrying that this is the weirdest period that I’ve had in a long time, which could be because of the stress.  S

I know TMI, but it’s my blog. Don’t like it.. don’t nucking read it. 

I’m sitting here crying while I write this and I have no idea why.  I mean Dan has not gone to family functions before and I’ve been ok with it.  Why am I having such issues right now with it.

Look I do not have the easiest of situations, and I look at other people and wish that it was easier for me. 

Let me just step on the pity party wagon a little bit.

I will never have my own children, I will constantly be Mama Kat and not Mama, and that sucks ass. Not because of my parts not working, but because Dan got fixed during his first marriage.  I don’t blame him or his ex-wife; it’s something a lot of couples do when they do not want to have anymore children.  I have come to terms with this a long time ago, and I’m fine with that. I have two wonderful beautiful step-babies that I love to death, and I could not imagine my world without them.   But I am just the step-mom, I’ll never be as important or as awesome in their eyes at their mother.  When the boys get married, they will dance with their mom during the mother/son dance, and I’ll be off to the side taking pictures.  I know their mom and I will be right there next to each other helping plan and doing wedding type stuff together, but that one little moment.  I will never have.  For the most part this does not bother me, but sometimes, like today, it hurts like hell.

I am married to a man with a serious disability and he will never work again.  For the most part I have to be the strong one, the rational one, and be supportive to him when he has an attack.  I can not always count on him being there at a family function or an event with just us.  We have bought things for him to attend and then he has an attack and that’s money gone down the hole because he can not go.  I am sometimes left with the kids by myself, and sometimes it can get a little rough with two rambunctious little boys and one step-mom that’s learning a lot on the fly. 

I am an adventurous person, who likes to go and do things… my husband with his condition would rather stay home. 

I love my husband dearly, and he is the best and most wonderful man that I know, but we have our problems just like everyone else, and sometimes it gets to me.  

Ok, that’s enough time on the pity wagon, and by typing this all out has helped me a lot.

That’s another good reason to just have a blog, so you can type out your thoughts and realize there’s a lot worse that could be going on in your life than just this. 

Ok Withey, stop feeling sorry for yourself, you have a lot of stuff to get ready for this weekend.